Do you sometimes find yourself stuck in negative thinking? Or maybe your aren’t even aware of your subconscious programming — instead the people around you may comment on your negativity or self-deprecation. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.
We don’t always need those other people to tell us that we aren’t good or clever enough.
We don’t need others to hold up a mirror to ourselves, criticizing us for who we are or what we look like.
We don’t need other people to remind us of the mistakes we have made in our lives.
We don’t need those people at all, literally or figuratively, because we are often responsible for putting ourselves down. We often think poorly of ourselves, without the negative intervention of others. And because of our negative mindsets, we stay rooted within feelings of low self-confidence, unworthiness, and guilt. Our lives can suffer as a result.
So, let’s start to turn things around for ourselves. Consider the following negative mindsets, and if any are relevant to you, start to think differently, for your own sake.
Do you relate to any of these negative thoughts?
“Other people are better than me”
Are they? In what way? Do they have nicer houses? Do they look more attractive? Are they earning more money? Do any of these things mean that they are better than you? Their lives may be different to yours. They may have certain advantages. But better?
There are two things you need to do. The first is to consider where your life is lacking, and instead of complaining about it, do something to improve your prospects. If you want to earn more money and have nicer things in your life, you might want to consider the most popular college majors to improve your income. If you’re not happy with the way you look, then you might want to find ways to manage your weight or care for your skin.
Read: Finding Self Acceptance after Weight Loss
But here’s the other thing. Other people may appear ‘better,’ but what does that actually mean? Material things don’t always matter. Looks will always fade. Instead of hurting yourself by putting yourselves in their shadow, focus on gratitude, noting down all the things that you are grateful for in your gratitude journal. You don’t need to compare yourself to others, because the life you have might actually be a good one!
“I am a failure”
Hey, none of us are perfect. We all fail in life. We take exams and don’t pass them. We ask for promotions but don’t always get them. We try something new and fall flat on our faces with embarrassment. We have all been there. But should we let failure rule our lives? No!
Let’s look at this two ways. Firstly, your past is your past. If you screwed up before, for whatever reason, it doesn’t have to define who you are today. That was then; this is now! Secondly, why not embrace failure? Don’t let it be a negative thing, but look at is an opportunity to learn and grow. Why did you fail? What could you have done better? Think on those things, and try again. Life is all about learning and growing, and after failing, we should pick ourselves up to move on, and not stay where we are assuming we will never be ‘good enough.’
So listen. If you want something bad enough, but you are worried you might fail for the first, second or hundredth time, keep fighting for it until you get what you want. If you don’t try, you will never succeed, and that might only lead to regrets later on in your life.
I know a woman who is a retired school teacher and has lived in the USA nearly all of her life. Last year she desired to move to Canada to live near her sister. So she put her nose to the grindstone, so to speak, to meet all of the requirements for permanent residency as a skilled worker. She completed her yoga teacher certification and plans to teach yoga to older adults, and now is looking for houses for sale in Winnipeg.
“Nobody likes me”
Here’s the problem with this mentality. Many people limit their social circles because they assume other people won’t like them. It’s the feeling of being unlovable, perhaps because of past mistakes and letting others down, or because of negative experiences when trying to build friendships with others. And even when others do show care, there is the assumption that they are only doing it ‘to be nice’ or because they must have an agenda.
Here’s the first question. Who doesn’t like you? Is it one person or is it many? Here’s our second question. Why don’t they like you? Have you generally offended them or are you assuming they don’t like you for no good reason? Now, not everybody will like us. And in the same way, there will be people that we don’t like. It’s the way it goes. But to say that ‘nobody likes me’ is a general statement, as there will be people who do. And if you haven’t found them yet, you might need to make more of an effort to meet new people.
You might also question your behavior. If people are generally having a hard time liking you, then you need to work out why. Are you antagonistic? Are you always negative around them? Do you push them away because you assume they won’t like you? It’s not always about bettering yourself, but you may be to blame sometimes.
On the other hand, people may genuinely like you, so instead of thinking the worst about them, perhaps you should let them into your life to let them show how much they care.
“What if…”
Your life can improve, but you don’t let it because of those ‘what if’ questions. Instead of focussing on positive outcomes, you focus on worst-case scenarios instead. What if other people won’t like me? What if I fail? What if…
What if you don’t fail? What if you do succeed? What if other people do like you? If you always weigh in on the negative, you will never move on in your life. You will force yourself to stay within your comfort zone because those negative ‘what ifs” prevent you from stepping out and doing something different with your life. If this is you, try to alter your mindset. Think of the positive consequences instead of the possible negative outcomes, and let this better thinking rule the way you live your life. You will never grow in confidence otherwise.
And so…
What do you think? Have you recognized any of these negative mindsets? Perhaps today is the day you turn things around, if so. Don’t restrict your life through negative thinking, because good things do await you. Be kinder to yourself, show yourself some self-love, and move forward with positive thinking. You are good enough. You can be successful. You are worthy of love. Dwell on these positive thoughts today instead of the negative.
In good health,
Robert Borne
