Becoming your own best friend might seem a little bit strange. Why should you work on becoming your own best friend when you have friends, family, maybe even a partner? The truth is many of us dislike, maybe even hate, ourselves because of our morbid obesity. And while the weight loss surgery helps us remove our excess weight, it doesn’t remove the negative self image we have of our bodies and our self worth. So becoming your own best friend is part of the weight loss journey.
Why Be Your Own Best Friend
After all the longest relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. You never know what’s right around the corner and unexpected challenges will arise. But if you understand and love yourself enough, then you can bounce back from the curve balls life throws at you. And you become a stronger more resilient person for it rather than let it knock you down.
Becoming your own best friend means you can spend quality time alone and enjoy it. Unlike people who when forced to spend time alone don’t like what they see. It’s a sad truth that many people (obese or not) don’t really like or even know themselves very well. They are so self unaware that they actually only discover this when forced to be by themselves.
Becoming your own best friend will help you to live a more fulfilling, happier, healthier life. You won’t be dependent or codependent in your relationships. Instead you’ll trust yourself and your inner knowingness, sometimes called intuition or gut instinct, a whole lot more.
How to Become Your Own Best Friend
There are so many benefits to working on this! So, let’s take a look at how you can become your own best friend.
Monitor Your Thoughts
Start by monitoring your thoughts. Many people aren’t aware of what they’re really thinking. Thoughts run in the background, unobserved, like background noise or an automated computer program. But they are there and they have a powerful impact on your life. Our thoughts are inextricably linked to our health and happiness.
Get silent and still to observe your thoughts in various situations. If your internal dialogue isn’t kind to yourself then you need to change it. Here is an exercise that can assist you.
Watch the video “Automatic Thoughts” (5 min): Automatic Thoughts are images or mental activity that occur as a response to a trigger or activating event (‘a car cut me off’). They are automatic and ‘pop up’ without conscious thought. These can benefit our quick reaction to events, but also can have negative effects on our anxiety.
Go Places Alone
You need to learn how to venture out and have fun on your own. Sign up for a class, join a club or gym, or attend a retreat without a friend. You might even eat at a restaurant or go to a movies by yourself. Visit somewhere you’ve never been before. These activities over time will teach you to stand on your own two feet. You will develop confidence in yourself and learn to stop depending on others.
This is extremely empowering. You’ll develop a relaxed confidence in and clear understanding of yourself and abilities, no matter what the situation.
Honor Your Needs
Be sure you honor your needs. Set boundaries with yourself and with others. Stop giving up so much of your time to help others if you’re short on time for yourself. You need to get serious about doing what is best for you. Think about what you really need from life and want from your relationships. Make sure you’re honest with yourself and others, as difficult as that may be.
Figure Out Why You Are The Way You Are
Everyone acts and reacts a certain way for a reason. Many of the things we think are programmed into us before we are 5 years old. And this impacts the way we act throughout our lives. Looking into psychology and perhaps even therapy can help you iron out old issues if they keep on cropping up for you.
Cultivating self awareness is very important. Pay attention to your feelings, beliefs, assumptions, motivations, and what drives you to react. When you learn what is going on inside and take command of your thoughts and emotions, you’ll have healthier friendships and relationships.
There are all sorts of teachings dedicated to self awareness or knowing yourself. And you may have to try a few before you find one that sticks. But I promise you it is worth it!
If you’re not self aware of who you are and what you do, then you won’t be able to develop a genuine bond with yourself.
Go On a Spiritual Journey
Spiritual journeys may not seem like they are for everybody, but they can further promote understanding. If you simply calculate life path number you may get some insight into who you are. You may wish to look into astrology and your birth chart. Other proven ways to become self aware include yoga, meditation, a gratitude practice and controlled breathing (pranayama). You never know where they might take you.
By understanding your drives, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses, you are able to be authentic. Too often, people look outside of themselves to create their tastes, goals, ideals, and so on. This is because they haven’t spent enough time developing a strong sense of self. By understanding yourself truly, you will love and respect yourself for who you really are.
Realize You are Worthy No Matter What
Don’t outsource your self worth and self esteem. If you do, you might always feel like a failure. There is a good saying, “Why other people think of me is none of my business.” Other people’s beliefs and expectations are out of our control. And they are always fluctuating anyway. By cultivating an inner sense of worthiness, you will be a lot happier and more confident.
So how are you going to start becoming your own best friend today?
Living larger than ever,
My Bariatric Life